Pride and Prejudice and Wizards
by HanErin
Summary: Elizabeth and the rest of the Bennet girls attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with a host of characters from lots of other genres. Hilarity, drama and most of all, sexual tension, ensues.
1. Chapter 1

"Mr. Bennet!" his wife cried, "You must keep Jane at home! Mr. Bingley is sure to propose any day now, and once he does, what will she need an education for? She'll have 500,000 pounds a year and as many house elves as the minister of magic!"

Mr. Bennet did not look up from his book on Muggle studies as he answered, "My dear, you have been forseeing this engagement between our Jane and Mr. Bingley all summer, and yet it still has not happened. Either your divination powers are waning or your tea leaves have been lying to you."

"Ah! The leaves have foretold a great many ominous events," Mrs. Bingley said fanning herself, "it's wreaking havoc on my nerves. I suffer so."

"Is it the leaves that trouble you, my dear, or the death of our Lydia?"

Mrs. Bingley sank onto her couch, fanning herself and covering her eyes with her free hand.

"Oh Lydia, poor little Lydia. Such a terrible accident."

"Yes, it was, and we shall miss her dearly. Though I thought Dumbledore delivered a very proper eulogy."

"It was that horrible professors fault!" Mrs. Bingley cried. "Mr. Wilka, or Wonky, was it?"

"It was her potions professor, Mr. Willy Wonka, and in fairness to the man he did warn all the children very sternly not to eat the everlasting gobstoppers they created.

Mrs. Bennet moaned, "To Lydia, might as well have been an invitation. She never took well to being told she couldn't eat something. She'd just grab handfuls of whatever it was and shove it in her mouth, gobbling it down as fast as she could," Mrs. Bingley said fondly. "She was such an innocent, child-like girl."

"She was certainly something," Mr. Bennet agreed dryly. "But I am sure the rest of our girls will be perfectly safe at Hogwarts this year."

Meanwhile upstairs Jane, Elizabeth, Mary and Kitty were in their own ways preparing for the journey to London and from there, on to Hogwarts.

"Kitty!" Elizabeth cried, "You've barely begun to pack!"

"Lydia always did these sorts of things for me," Kitty pouted, sitting on the floor in front of a nearly bare suitcase.

"I'll help, here, hand me that sweater," Jane said lifting the suitcase onto the bed.

Mary sat on top of her suitcase reading " Professor Larry Losgold's Magical Life Lessons."

"According to Professor Losgold, preparedness is wizardliness."

Elizabeth tried with difficulty not to roll her eyes. Instead she put a hand on her older sister's shoulder and said quietly, "Do not worry over him Jane. If Mr. Bingley is such a fool as to let you return to Hogwarts without 'putting a ring on it', then he's a fool."

"If he liked it, then he shoulda put a ring on it," Jane agreed sadly.

Elizabeth comforted her sister, while inwardly cursing Mr. Bingley's sullen friend Mr. Darcy. She was sure, somehow or other he was behind this. They had both graduated the year before, but Bingley's younger sister Louisa was a 7th year like Jane.

"At least I'll have Louisa to remind me of him, she has been so kind."

Again, Elizabeth tried not to roll her eyes.

Soon the girls were packed and their mother and father drove them to London, set them upon Platform 9 ¾ and off they were on the Hogwarts Express. Kitty, giddy with excitement, dashed off at once to gossip with her friends Padma and Parvati Patil, only returning once to borrow money from her older sisters for chocolate frogs, as she'd already spent all of her own. Meanwhile, Elizabeth's best friend, Luke Skywalker, joined them.

"Ugh," he said, watching Kitty leave, "That girl needs to slow down on the chocolate frogs or pretty soon she's gonna be Kitty the Hutt, am I right?"

He received nothing but blank stares.

"Guuurrrlllls, you need to travel more." He snapped his fingers sassily and they all laughed heartily. Except for Mary, who never laughed.

Elizabeth enjoyed the welcome feast as usual and meeting up with all of the friends she hadn't seen all summer. The only hitch in an otherwise thoroughly enjoyable evening was running into her rival, Hermione Granger. As they passed each other at the Gryffindor table they glared in mutual dislike.

Down the table a bit from Elizabeth, Hermione grumbled to her friends Harry and Ron, "That Lizzy- she's such a know- it- all."

Ron and Harry exchanged looks but wisely stayed silent.

Just as Elizabeth was diving happily into her chocolate plum pudding and third butter beer, chatting and laughing with Jane, Luke, and their other good friends, Luke elbowed her, and nodded.

"Hmmm…will you look at that manly slice of pumpkin pastie! I'd like to San Francisco light saber fight with him, if you know what I mean."

"Luke!" Lizzy, admonished, but looked up and for a moment, was startled into breathless, speechless wonder at the most attractive man she'd ever seen.

"Too bad he's a Slytherin…" Luke said, absentmindedly using the Force to crush his butterbeer can.


	2. Chapter 2

The train to Hogwarts was always the same; boring and long. The only thing that halfway cheered Cloud Strife up was seeing his friends after a long summer.

"Long time no see." Draco Malfoy said as he came traipsing into the box car. He threw himself heavily on the seat across from Cloud and looked out the window.

"Aaaannnndddd…it's raining again. Man, this summer blew. How was yours?"

Cloud shrugged his shoulders, "Same", he stated indifferently. He didn't exactly dislike Malfoy, it's just that they had never been especially close and he always felt there was some unseen barrier between them. But his answer was honest and between working out, repairing his buster sword when he needed, and napping, nothing had changed.

"Oh and look it's the third amigo." Malfoy had barely finished his sentence when Edward Cullen opened the door to the box car. His eyes were shifty as always and looking a little…red.

"Hey Ed, have you been…you know…" Malfoy made a slurping noise eyeing Edward carefully.

Edward glared at Malfoy, "It's none of your business." He threw himself on the bench across from Cloud staring the opposite direction of both of them eyes closed breathing heavily. Malfoy gave Cloud a shrug and they sat in a comfortable silence for awhile. Although it was boring, Cloud actually liked being on the Hogwarts train. It gave him some time to think, relax, and prepare himself for a new school year. And although he and his friends weren't exactly the most social, they were incredibly popular especially among the Slytherin crowd which always made life interesting.

The train arrived at Hogwarts without any hiccups and soon enough Cloud, Malfoy, and Edward were sitting at their respective table eating and drinking the night away. Soon enough Cloud noticed Malfoy frowning at the Gryffindor table and knew exactly where it was aimed. "Seriously, he's not a bad guy." Cloud stated matter of factly.

"You know nothing!" Malfoy hissed. "Harry Potter…more like Hairy Dildo! Am I right?" Malfoy high-fived a reluctant Edward and Cloud just shook his head. He had actually had some good although short conversations with Harry, his friend Ron, and even the know-it-all Hermione. Cloud couldn't help but notice that Luke Skywalker and that Elizabeth girl were staring his way.

"I think somebody is interested in you" Edward said quietly.

Cloud made an incredulous face, "Elizabeth or Luke?"

Edward laughed and Malfoy suddenly joined in on the conversation, "Obviously Elizabeth. Luke would never go after someone like you."

"How would you know?" Edward asked. Malfoy turned red "I just, I'm just guessing!" He quickly looked down and starting eating his food.

Fortunately Cloud's blond unruly hair made it easy for him to cover his face so it was easy for him to spy on the brunette without being noticed or so he thought. She was decently pretty and intelligent but she was a Gryffindor and he knew that even IF he was interested, nothing would happen between them.

"Eh, she's not really my type" Cloud said taking a chug of Butter Beer.

"And who exactly is your type?" Edward asked one eyebrow raised.

"Who's your type? A Positive? O?" Malfoy raised his hand for a high-five but Cloud just shook his head. Edward glared and pulled out his cell phone.

"8:05? I have somewhere I need to be – I'll be back in a bit. Don't wait up." Edward left his food untouched and quickly walked across the hall towards the dormitories.

"Seriously, that guy is so weird sometimes. But honestly, who would be your type?"  
Malfoy asked curiously.

Cloud wasn't even sure what to say. He dated, if you could even call it that, a couple different girls but nothing ever seemed to work out. He knew he was a bit depressing and aloof which was intriguing for the girls at first but they would grow tired of him. He also never found someone who had the same interests he did and it was especially uncommon to find witches who enjoyed muggle things. He enjoyed swordsmanship and riding his motorcycle. "If I have to hear one more girl say 'why don't we just floo powder'" he thought to himself.

"I know, let's play a little game." Malfoy said mischievously. "The winter ball is in about 2 months. Whoever can get someone to ask them to the ball wins!"

"So we have to get a girl to ask us to the ball…and we win what?" Cloud stated flatly.

"It doesn't HAVE to be a girl" Malfoy said quietly, "and you win…a trip to Hawaii on my dad's expense."

Cloud chuckled, "Alright and if I lose, what do you win?"

"Your Buster Sword." Malfoy said seriously.

Cloud was taken aback. What did he want with his Buster sword? There's no way he'd bet on that! But Cloud enjoyed taking risks, it made life interesting.

"Alright, you're on." Cloud said seriously.

"I pick yours, you pick mine. Hmm, I choose for you Elizabeth Bennet." Malfoy crossed his arms smugly.

"You're joking." This was possibly the worst choice for Cloud. She wasn't swayed by good looks, though he had plenty. Nor would she be swayed by his charm or bad boy persona. There was little hope that he could keep his Buster Sword at this rate and he instantly felt rage fill his chest. Anger was first directed at Malfoy for picking Elizabeth and then at himself for allowing Malfoy to pull him into another one of his stupid games.

"Fine. Yours is Luke Skywalker." Cloud practically yelled.

Malfoy turned red in the face and inhaled deeply through his nostrils. "Fine. I accept."

Cloud couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Wait, are you serious?"

"I really want that Buster Sword." Malfoy finished off his butter beer.

Meanwhile Edward had snuck through the halls near the dormitories without being noticed save for the moving pictures. He finally came across the faded Scottish tapestry and looking over his shoulder he carefully moved it aside stepping into pure darkness.

"I never thought you'd come…" a voice said sweetly. His eyes glowed red and the smell of blood was in the air.


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth struck out on her morning walk, a book of muggle poetry in one hand, her maroon and gold scarf thrown around her neck, whipping wildly behind her. She glanced at the sky, noticed the darkening clouds, but didn't let that deter her. A storm was coming yes…she would just have to walk a little faster. For her, her morning walks were meditation and celebration all at once. The green fields, gnarled woods, high, craggy mountains and ancient castle at Hogwarts reminded her of home.

Luke had asked her once why she didn't fly about the grounds. "It's so much more exhilarating!" Lizzy had agreed, but said that Luke's company was exhilaration enough for her. At the time he was blindfolded and practicing knocking apples off her head with his light saber.

In truth, for her a walk was the perfect pace for drinking in the scenery and for slowing her mind to match the rhythm of her steps. She would often pause by the lake or under a shady tree to read some poetry or a fairytale and daydream before heading back to the castle, in a better frame of mind for her studies. For while extremely bright, Lizzy hadn't taken much to the rigid schedule and structure of formal schooling. Up until Hogwarts, her schooling was left entirely up to her. She and Jane would read books and Lizzy would discuss them with her father. Mary never got her face out of a book to discuss anything with anybody. And Lizzy didn't think that Kitty or Lydia, rest her soul, had ever even opened a book. In fact, Lizzy wondered seriously if Kitty could even spell her name, as she'd seen her sign for a package last year with a bad drawing of a cat. When Lizzy had asked her about it, her youngest sister had explained that it was her name, a kitty cat.

In any case, Lizzy found her morning walks indispensible. Though, for the last week or so she'd had this odd sensation of being watched. She'd turned suddenly a couple of times, looking wildly around for someone, but every time no one was there and she was left feeling rather foolish. She decided to keep a lookout today, as she headed towards the lake.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Lizzy, she did indeed have a stalker: Cloud. He'd mulled it over, and decided the best way to get Lizzy to ask him to the winter ball was to first discover her interests, then appear to share in them, winning her over. Cloud didn't give a shit about that trip to Hawaii, but he'd be damned if Malfoy won his buster sword. He'd asked around a bit with some of the other Gryffindor girls, using his looks and mysterious charm to get information. He'd been disappointed to learn she woke up every morning at 5 AM for a jaunt across the grounds. 5 AM?! It made him yawn just to think about it. But as they didn't share any classes, this seemed like his best lead.

That first morning, when his alarm went off he'd smashed it to pieces with his buster sword, startling his bunkmates, though none of them dared to say anything to him about it. He'd decided she wasn't worth waking up that early for. But then, he'd seen Malfoy and Luke talking in the hall and they looked surprisingly…close. Too close. So the next morning, as soon as his alarm went off, Cloud had ordered a house elf to bring him a hot cup of black cauldron coffee and, still staggering slightly and yawning every two minutes, he'd trailed behind her. She was difficult to follow because at times she'd walked quite briskly, he'd almost have to jog to keep up and at others she'd be lost in her book, walking so slowly he felt he'd die of boredom. He couldn't see her book, so the next day he brought along a pair of magical binoculars he'd bought off the Weasley twins and learned that she was reading some poetry by E. . He went to check it out from the library, but learned it was a muggle book. That was interesting. She walks, and she reads muggle books. Not very witchy of her, though he actually liked that.

As the days went on, waking up became easier and easier for him and he actually looked forward to it, though not to having to constantly throw himself down in the grass every time she looked around. He'd have to have Edward help him work up some invisibility potion, he was good at that kind of thing. Today, he looked at the sky and felt a bit worried. Those clouds looked pretty dark and foreboding. But Elizabeth was moving so fast, he didn't have time to debate about following her and took off across the grounds. She was heading towards the lake, it was one of her favorite walks he'd noticed.

But as they neared it, heavy drops began to trickle from the sky. Elizabeth looked back and Cloud dropped to the ground. The rain was quickly coming down heavier. When Cloud propped himself up to look after Elizabeth, he saw that she was running, not towards the castle but towards the giant, twisted tree ahead- the whomping willow! What's she thinking, he wondered. It was starting to pour and a mist was rising up off of the lake, wicked-looking lightning began to shoot from the sky. He started back towards the castle, it was going to be a nasty storm and he had to get inside. But as he went, he kept looking back towards Elizabeth. And then he stopped, frozen in his tracks. He couldn't see her anymore, but the tree! The whomping willow was writhing and attacking. Did she not know about the tree? Did she try to seek shelter under it? Was she in danger?

Before he could second-guess it, he sprinted towards the tree, unsheathing his giant buster sword as he ran through the tall grass and the mud and freezing rain.

Elizabeth was just crawling safely through the tunnel at the base of the whomping willow's trunk, Jane has shown her how to push in the secret knot, when she heard her name being called. She paused, listening hard, but only heard the whistle of the wind and the crack of thunder. She shook her head. So strange. Then continued to crawl down the tunnel.

Cloud neared the willow and to his shock, saw through the mist that it was still. He could have sworn he'd seen it whomping. He called out for Lizzy, but got no answer. As he turned to head back to the castle, he felt something around his ankle and looked down to see a barky, limb wrapping around it. Oh no.

Lizzy paused again halfway through the tunnel. There it was again, it sounded like a man's voice, a yell. She listened, then continued on, deciding it must have been the wind. She spent the rest of the morning in the shrieking shack, the abandoned house on the other end of the tunnel, reading her poetry and stoking the fire she'd lit with her wand. Much more enjoyable than Divination, she decided. When the storm finally cleared she headed back to the castle for lunch, showing up with her robes soaked to the thigh. Hermione rolled her eyes when she saw her, but Lizzy pretended not to notice. She couldn't ignore Luke though.

"Gurrll! You look like something Mrs. Norris drug in! Have you been mud wrestling for butterbeer money again?"

"Har har," Lizzy said, plopping down on the bench next to him as a hot bowl of soup magically appeared in front of her. "Yum."

Jane looked her up and down. "Seriously Lizzy, did you get caught out in that rain?"

Lizzy nodded slurping her tomato soup. "Mm-hmm. But it was fine, I ducked into the shack."

Jane looked surprised. "That's odd. A boy from Slytherin got into some sort of death match with the whomping willow this morning, did you see him?"

"What? Who?"

"Cloud something or other."

Elizabeth frowned. "No. I didn't see anybody."

At that moment, Cloud threw open the heavy double doors to the dining hall, and walked in, still strutting, but now with a slight limp. Edward and Malfoy were next to him, looking concerned. He'd just come from hours of healing with Madam Pomfrey. She'd told him he was on bed rest for the rest of the week, but he'd insisted he was fine. A gang of girls from Slytherin jumped up in concern and helped him over to his seat. He waved them off, but in truth the walk had taken all his strength and he sat quietly eating soup.

"Wow, he looks bad," Jane whispered.

Though his broken bones had been regrown, he still had dark bruises all over his face and a nasty cut along his cheek.

"What were you doing out there anyway?" Malfoy asked, scoffingly. "I can't believe you picked a fight with the whomping willow, you are mental!"

Cloud said nothing and tried painfully to swallow his soup. He glanced up through his hair and caught Elizabeth looking at him, before she quickly snapped her gaze back down to the ground. Had she guessed, he wondered.

Has he been the one following me, Elizabeth wondered. And why?


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: We don't own any of these characters or stories. Seriously. We actually don't own much of anything. _

The class bell rang and Elizabeth immediately gathered her belongings.

"Remember to read to chapter 34." Snape said dryly as he closed his book. The class let out a moan and the sound of papers crinkling and chairs scooting filled the classroom as all the students tried to quickly get out of the Snape's depressing dungeon.

"I'm sorry I have to run! " Elizabeth called out to her sister Jane before disappearing through the heavy Oak door.

"Alright, catch you later." Jane waved before turning to her own items and began packing them into her knapsack. Lizzy has been so scatterbrained the last few days and she could guess why. When they had been sitting in the great hall after the last thunderstorm, Elizabeth had confessed she believed Cloud, that Slytherin with the broken bones, had been following her. Jane thought it could be true and the idea that Cloud might have a romantic interest in her sister made her heart soar. Love was truly beautiful! Lizzy scoffed at her notions assuming he was up to no good, but Jane saw the momentary flash in her eyes when she mentioned him having a crush. She would have bet a detention with Snape that he was interested in her and she just as much in him. This made Jane smile to herself which caught the attention of Professor Snape.

"Do you like my class that much that you wished it was longer?" Snape asked walking up to her desk a cold look on his face.

"Oh, no! Sorry sir, I was just lost in my thoughts." Jane said nervously as she finished packing up the rest of her belongings. There was no one left in the classroom and she was embarrassed to have been day dreaming for so long.

"Yes, well, hurry up. Your friends are probably waiting."

Jane noticed something change in his features, a sort of softness crept in and for the first time in her life she actually thought he looked rather…kind. Jane left the dungeon feeling the stare of the Professor as he watched her go.

"Seriously, where the hell is Edward?" Cloud asked as he carefully made his way down the staircase. He was still sore and the last thing he needed was some first year bumping into him. He also hadn't seen Edward in a couple days and was starting to worry. Malfoy suddenly stopped and grabbed both of Cloud's shoulders turning him around.

"I don't know how to say this…" Malfoy's face was dark. And his eyes started to grow glassy. "Edward is dead."

Cloud's face remained unmoved. "Because he's a vampire? You're an idiot." Cloud pushed a laughing Malfoy and he accidentally fell into a sandy blond also walking down the staircase.

"Are you alright?" Luke Skywalker had caught Malfoy mid fall and was inches away from his face.

"Now I am." Malfoy noticed Luke blush which made Malfoy smirk in return. That Buster Sword was as good as his.

Cloud frowned in frustration. How had Malfoy managed to be this close, literally and figuratively, to Luke in a matter of days and he hadn't even managed to talk to Elizabeth.

"Boyfriend! You should be more careful." Luke said seriously to Cloud as Malfoy straightened himself up.

"Yeah, Cloud." Malfoy teased. He looked towards Luke and they both smiled.

"Oh my Voldemort." Cloud was sick of this and turned around to leave when an out of breath Elizabeth bumped into him.

"Cloud!"

"Elizabeth?"

"I need to talk to you," Elizabeth glanced at a surprised Malfoy and smiling Luke, "Alone."

"Uh, Ok…want to go for a walk?" He nodded towards the lawn.

"Yes, I'd like that." Elizabeth replied with a smile.

A single drop of blood fell and splashed on the stone floor. No one noticed and both parties said their goodbyes as they went their separate ways. Edward wiped his mouth and crawled along the ceiling into the shadows…


	5. Chapter 5

Edward scuttled along the ceiling, his normally smooth, fluid movements jerky and frenetic. As a vampire, he'd always been nimble and superhuman in many ways. He noted, though, that crawling on the ceiling had never been among his abilities before. Weee! He thought, his mouth ringed in blood and short, shimmery white hairs.

He managed to go unnoticed all the way through the crowded halls, despite the fact that he was rather loudly humming the theme song of his distant acquaintance, the wicked witch of the west. Da dum da dum da dum dum. He scurried around the ornate chandelier dripping with green emeralds in the Slytherin common room, into his dorm room and then dropped with a heavy thud onto his bed, landing on his side, all four limbs extended like a cat that had tried to land on its feet but only made it halfway there. With the heavy canopy curtains already closed around him, he proceeded to shake and sweat and twitch. Da dum.

If Edward hadn't been freaking out so hard he would've noticed his bunk mate Malfoy stealthily enter the room, pulling Luke Skywalker in behind him, by the hand.

"Oh my gawd, you are so bad!" Luke said, looking around.

"I am pretty," Malfoy turned to look Luke in the eyes, "Naughty."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Oh please." He then dropped Malfoy's hand to explore the room, while Malfoy flopped lazily on his bed. Luke fingered the emerald and black burned velvet curtains on the bed, "Just look at this place. So fab!" He sat on a gold gilded Louis the 16th chair and crossed his legs.

"Do I look regal?"

Malfoy smirked. "You should see my family's manor, this is nothing compared to it…if you like that sort of thing."

"Like it? I love it. Oh gawd, you should see the Gryffindor common room."

"You should show me sometime."

"I'm not as crazy as you. Do you know how dead you would be if anyone found us? Anyways, it's nothing but cracked leather LA-Z boys and maroon and gold banners. It's like a Quidditch jock decorated it. Who knew Slytherin was so posh?"

"Everybody."

"Oh excuse me!" Luke affected an accent. "I be just a lowly hillbilly from Tatooine where alls we gots is sand."

"Stop," Malfoy commanded, a look of mixed horror and shock on his face, but this only egged Luke on.

"Why mister, is yous interested in my sandy crafts? I's done gots dolls made of sand, and cats made of sand, and this here cookie jar made of sand, and I's even gots me a prized armadillo coated in sand, why we's gots shirts and hats made of sand."

Malfoy was grinning now. "You're disgusting."

"No sir," Luke when on. "One time my auntie got real sick like and we just gave 'er some of my grandpappy's sand potion and she got all better. It's a secret recipe but I'll tell it to you, it's equal parts sand and sand."

Now Malfoy was laughing. "Stop, seriously!" he gasped. Luke climbed onto the bed next to him, but kept going.

"Ow, it hurts," Malfoy cried, slumping onto the bed, shaking with laughter. Luke crawled on top of him, pinning him down. "My only friend till I was seven was a robot I built myself…out of sand." Malfoy shook harder. "What do I have to do to make you shut up?" he gasped. Luke leaned his face close to Malfoy's.

"One time this sandcrab-"

Suddenly, Malfoy threw his hand around the back of Luke's head, and pulled him within an inch of his face. Luke was shocked into silence, as they locked eyes. They could feel each other's breath on their lips. There was a softness in Luke's sparkling blue eyes, and a fierce vulnerability in Malfoy's. They leaned into each other, Malfoy stroking the blond hair at the nape of Luke's neck. Lips meeting…almost.

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of footsteps scraping up the stone stairs just outside the door. Luke bolted upright, and Malfoy sat up, listening intently. At the last moment, they locked eyes in mutual terror, both realizing someone was entering the room and without a word, each grabbed one side of the bed curtains, throwing them shut.

It was just in time. They sat huddled in silence, their shuddering breath seeming startlingly loud to them, their blue eyes locked on each other. Malfoy could tell just by the sharp nasily exhale who had entered. The very worst person who could find them. Professor Snape, head of the Slytherin house.

Snape announced in his low, drawling voice. "I know there is a student up here, who should be in class."

The boy's eyes widened and Luke covered his mouth with both hands. Snape was faced with a decision. There were four beds in the room, two with curtains drawn. Which to open first. He moved forward, towards Malfoy's bed. Malfoy and Luke saw his shadow approaching, heard his footsteps come closer. Malfoy was trembling slightly and Luke had squeezed his eyes shut, his brows drawn together.

Just as Snape's fingertips were brushing the curtains, they heard a low moan come from the other bed. Snape swept to his left, threw open the curtains and cried out when he saw the 6th year student, Edward Cullen, unusually pale(which was saying something), shaking violently on the bed. He scooped the extremely heavy boy into his arms, and stumbled down the stone stairs, crying for assistance.

Once they were sure the coast was clear, Luke removed his hands from his mouth. "Oh. My. Gawd."

Malfoy shook his head then burst into hysterical, nervous laughter. He took Luke's hand and they dashed out of the Slytherin den.

"Better get back to class, I guess, Malfoy said with a smirk.

"I knew you were bad," Luke said. "How can you act so normal? I don't think I'll ever breathe again!" He was fanning himself.

"Well, if you have trouble, I'll give you mouth to mouth," Malfoy said with a wink. Then before Luke could respond, he kissed his forehead and took off for class, leaving Luke even more breathless than before. In fact, Malfoy was looking for Cloud. He needed to talk to him about Edward. Something was seriously wrong with that guy.

In fact, Edward was lying in the infirmary moaning with Snape and Madam Pomfrey looking over him.

"He was like this when I found him."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I've never seen anything like this, I just don't know what to make of it! I'll try to relieve some of his suffering but there's not much I can do."

Edward had a stark moment of semi-lucidity. He grabbed Madam Pomfrey's arm, crying, "My eyes! My eyes are on fire, my spine is ablaze!"

In fact the boy's eyes were a startling shade of red. He dropped into unconsciousness again. As Madam Pomfrey cast some rather ineffective spells, she muttered sadly, "I'm trying, but I'm afraid I won't soothe your pain. I won't ease your strain. You'll be waiting in vain."

"I got nothing for you to gain," Snape muttered, gazing at Edward, his eyes unfocused.

"What?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

Snape snapped out of it. "Wait what? I uh-" He left.

Da dum da dum da dum dum.


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: We don't own any of these characters or stories. Seriously. We actually don't own much of anything._

"Now this is the point. You fancy me a mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded..." Elizabeth read Edgar Allen Poe out loud trying to mask her wavering voice. It was made more unsteady by the pair of striking blue eyes staring so intently at her. She had gone on a walk with him to confirm her accusations that Cloud had been stalking her, but she found herself actually enjoying his company.

"I always found Edgar Allen Poe a little boring actually." Cloud said with a shrug.

"Boring?" Elizabeth's eyebrow rose. "Don't you Slytherins just love all things dark and creepy?"

Cloud playfully scoffed. "I could say the same to you Gryffindor! Where did you disappear to by the Womping Willow?"

"Ah-ha!" Elizabeth accusatively pointed her finger at him. "So you were following me!"

"Is that a problem?" Cloud's sudden serious look took Lizzy back and all feigned anger had left her body. Overly self-conscious, she turned her gaze back to the book and tried to continue reading. Chocolate brown strands of her hair fell into her face blocking her view and she nervously kept tucking them behind her ears.

"Ahhh…" Cloud Sat up suddenly and yawned turning his face to the soft breeze and closing his eyes for a moment. Elizabeth took this opportunity to steal a glance. His face was fresh and skin near perfect save for a couple deep scars on his arms. His hair was the most yellow blond she had ever seen. It was terribly unruly, protruding in long spikes coming out from his head at all different angles. While she was busy wondering what they felt like he suddenly turned and locked eyes with hers.

"Well, I guess it can't be helped. I present to you useless muggle skill number 40." He vaulted over her quicker than Elizabeth thought possible and landed behind her cross-legged barely making a sound.

"Wait, what are you…" Elizabeth tried to turn around but she was stopped by a strong hand forcing her to stay facing forward. At his touch, she immediately felt a rush of blood enter her cheeks and turned her head to hide it. Very quickly Cloud divided her hair into three sections and started criss-crossing one strand over the other.

"There was a girl I used to play with all the time when I was little and we'd like to wrestle and race and do all sorts of things where getting your hair in your face would be annoying. So, she taught me how to braid her hair and well, now I guess it's coming in handy again."

All Elizabeth could do is laugh. "You sure are full of surprises Cloud Strife."

He finished knotting her hair at the bottom to keep it from coming out and let it slowly fall from his hands.

"Actually so are you. I always thought you were a know-it-all, sort of stuck-up, maybe prudish, homely girl with…"

"Cloud!" Lizzy hit him hard on the shoulder with her book.

He grinned. "What?"

"Oh alright, Mr. I'm too cool for school with my motorcycle and bad attitude but I actually know how to braid hair-"

"Oi! That's confidential. If Snape finds out that'll be 'minus 10 points Slytherin!" He finished with his best low, drawling voice.

They both laughed heartily but were immediately distracted by movement across the lawn.

"Cloud? Is that you're friend Malfoy running towards us?"

"Whoa, yeah. I've never seen him run before."

To be perfectly honest, Malfoy was very out of shape. While he was fairly toned, his stamina was terrible. What did he need stamina for when his father had so much power? Malfoy wheezed a little, arms flailing, when he spotted Cloud in the distance underneath the Willow tree with Elizabeth. He panted and waved to Cloud and then collapsed.

"Oh no!" Elizabeth clasped her hands to her mouth then took after Cloud who had already closed half of the distance between them and Malfoy.

"Dude! DUDE! Are you okay?" Cloud was panicked as he knelt beside his best friend.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth rushed up behind Cloud.

"I'm…" Malfoy was gasping for air. "I…so…need…to…workout…"

"Obviously!" Cloud yelled at him. "God dammit, I'm sorry Elizabeth. I'm going to take him to the infirmary. Sorry I had to cut our walk short. Rain check?"

Cloud had lifted Malfoy up and situated him on his back.

"Yes, of course!" they smiled at each other before Cloud took off running towards the main hall, a limp Malfoy flopping over his strong shoulders.

Meanwhile, in a particularly boring Transfiguration class, Luke stared out the window enjoying the scenery and watching the clouds. That Draco Malfoy was sooooo bad! Soooo crazy…so… so naughty. His mind started to wander and that cloud looked just like Malfoy! It looked like Malfoy on a Tauntaun skin rug. A shirtless Malfoy on a Tauntaun skin rug with a green floo powder fire crackling behind him. Whoo whee! Was it just him or was it getting hot in here? Maybe him and Malfoy could spend Christmas break together on Hoth and his Tauntaun fantasy could come true. Well, his father might not approve but he really didn't care what his father thought. Luke smiled to himself, "First things first. I'll ask him to the winter ball." Just then he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It looked like Malfoy and Cloud were playing the famous boys locker room game "Find the Snitch!"

"Oh HELL no!" Luke yelled at the window startling the students and teacher. Malfoy must be trippin' if he thought he'd get away with double crossing him. He angrily grabbed his back pack and took one last look out the window, "May the force be with you" he said saucily and stormed out of class.

"Jesus." Cloud panted as he climbed another flight of stairs to get to the infirmary.

"Who?" Malfoy asked.

"Nevermind. Why were you running after me? Couldn't you see I was making headway with Elizabeth?"

"You call that progress? While you were making so-called headway I was making head-"

"I don't want to hear about what you and Luke do in private." Cloud hissed through gritted teeth.

Cloud kicked open the door of the infirmary and stood at the entryway in disbelief.

"_This_ is why I was running after you." Cloud slowly let Malfoy slide to his feet and they both stared incredulously at Edward standing in the middle of the infirmary a pool of blood beneath him. What was the most disturbing wasn't actually his blood red eyes, super pale skin, or green foam pouring out his mouth, it was the fact that his head was spinning around slowly.

"That's not physically possible... what's wrong with him?" Cloud's voice was noticeably shaken.

"DRUGS! Drugssssss…" Edward slurred as his head slipped off his shoulders.

"You kids need to get out of here! Right now!" Madam Pomfrey pushed a shocked and horrified Cloud and Malfoy out of the infirmary. The doors slammed shut and they heard inhuman screaming which they could only assume was Madam Pomfrey re-attaching Edward's head.

Meanwhile in the English countryside…

Dobby a lowly house elf pleaded to the back of a plush leather chair.

"Please sir, Mr. Darcy must not go to Hogwarts!"

"Mr. Darcy?" the man questioned softly.

He spun around in his chair to reveal himself wearing a floral pattern dress, petticoat and all. Bonnet snug on his head, ribbon tied tightly under his chin. There was not a trace of stubble on his face and where once were sideburns now only smooth delicate skin remained. Clip-on pearl earrings adorned his lobes and soft pink gloss was gracing his lips.

"Mr. Darcy no…but Mrs. Darcy perhaps?"

He walked past the cowering house elf to an ornate gold and ruby mirror lying on his desk. Mr. Darcy picked up the mirror and held it up to his face and admired his work.

"Mrs. Darcy..." he spoke softly to his reflection. "Mrs. Darcy…" He kissed the back of his hand. "Mrs. Darcy…" He kissed his shoulder. "Mrs. Darcy…" he kissed himself in the mirror leaving behind the pink outline of his lips. Dobby protested loudly as he grabbed his luggage and walked into the fireplace. Green flames whisked Mr. Darcy, erm, Mrs. Darcy away to Hogwarts.


	7. Chapter 7

Cloud and Malfoy stumbled back from the door and stared at each other.

"Did she just-"

"Did his head-"

They were lost in thought for several moments.

"How did this happen?" Cloud asked.

"Hells if I know bro!"

"Well, weren't you with him when he—got all—you know?"

Malfoy hesitated, his moments with Luke playing through his head. Then he realized he didn't need to keep this from Cloud. He grinned slyly. "Kind of…".

Malfoy dramatically recounted his experience with Luke in the Slytherin dorms. "Looks like I'm getting your buster sword," Malfoy gloated, poking Cloud in the chest.

Cloud swatted his hand away, "That's seriously what you're thinking about right now?"

As more screams escaped from under the door to the infirmary Malfoy swayed unsteadily.

"Dude, you don't look so good," Cloud said, stooping slightly to peer into Malfoy's face. He was pale and his eyelids were fluttering. Malfoy covered his eyes and stomach, "It was just—all the blood—feeling a little—queasy." Edward screamed again followed by retching noises and then sounds like buckets of sloppy oatmeal being dumped on the floor. Malfoy swayed again, then fainted, Cloud catching him against his chest, just as Luke and Lizzy and came sprinting towards them from different ends of the hallway.

"What's wrong?" Lizzy cried.

"Ah HELLS NOOO!" Luke shrieked, stomping up to Cloud and Malfoy who was just regaining consciousness. Luke was shaking his head quickly, like he had a tick. "No, no, no. Nuh-uh, boyfriend. You think Luke Skywalker plays this way?"

Malfoy's eyes fluttered and then he openend them wide, trying to see. "Luke?"

Luke put his palm in Malfoy's face. "I will deal with you after." He turned to look up at Cloud, then looked him up and down.

Lizzy put a hand on Luke's shoulder which he shrugged off with irritation.

"Geez, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I will tell you what's wrong! This son of a biatch thinks he can man handle my man!"

Cloud rolled his eyes, pushing Malfoy off of him. He addressed the irate Luke Skywalker.

"Look dude, I am not trying to man handle anyone, especially your man, or whatever he is." He shook his head.

Luke was shaking now, a tremor that radiated heat from him, causing Lizzy to back up. "Luke, seriously, calm down," she murmured, looking worried.

"I'll calm down! I'll calm down when Mr. Porcupine head pays for messing with my man!" Luke shot his hand out towards Cloud, but stopped a good two feet away. He opened his palm, all five fingers shooting wide, trembling. Then he began to slowly close his hand in a fist, his eyes filled with unblinking rage, a sadistic smile on his lips. Cloud's eyes grew wide. He struggled to breathe. His hands flew to his throat. He felt as though his neck was caught in a vice, slowly pressing harder and harder, closing off his wind pipe. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't even cry out for help. He clutched at the nothing that had wound itself around his throat. He looked at Lizzy, her face filled with horror, then at Malfoy who seemed weirdly aroused. Finally, Lizzy threw her arms around Luke, "Stop. Please!"

Luke looked down at her, bewildered, then back at his own arm, cried out and then released Cloud, dropping his arm to his side. Cloud slumped against the wall, drawing in a labored, painful breath. Lizzy hesitated a moment with Luke, then slide under Cloud's arm, helping him stand. She turned towards the infirmary.

"Let's get you to Madame Pomfrey."

"No!" Cloud and Malfoy cried together.

"Trust me," Malfoy said as he slid his arm into Luke's, "You don't want to go in there."

As Cloud explained to Lizzy a less grizzly version of what he'd seen of Edward, Malfoy pulled Luke down the hallway a bit.

"Dude, that was so killer! How'd you do that? You didn't even use a wand!"

Luke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Duh, the Force. But don't think you're off the hook."

"For what?" Malfoy suddenly got nervous that Luke had found out about the bet.

"Um, you and that, " he nodded at Cloud, "Getting cozy. I saw him carrying you in his arms, and then we practically walked in on you guys making out!"

Malfoy grinned then brushed a blond lock out of Luke's eyes. "You're kinda hot when you're jealous!"

Luckily Lizzy appeared with Cloud and they saved Malfoy from a choking by explaining what had happened with Edward. After they finished, Luke giggled bashfully.

"Uh, guess I owe you an apology, Cloud. Heh. I, uh, kinda have a temper—guess it's genetic."

Cloud nodded his acceptance, then asked Lizzy if she wanted to continue their poetry session outside. She smiled and they headed towards the grounds, while Luke and Malfoy leaned against the stone wall, shoulders brushing against each others.

"So, that's your dad—the one you get your temper from?" Malfoy asked.

"Mm-hmm. He is such an ass! He's always all, 'Luke, release your anger. Only your hate can destroy me.' And I'm like, mm-kay dad, that's a totally normal thing to say to your son. Gawd."

"I know. My dad's always going on about pure bloodlines and resurrecting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," Malfoy swallowed. "He hits me sometimes."

Luke linked his fingers into Malfoy's, then held up his free hand. "See this?" Luke wiggled his fingers. "It's robotic. My dad cut off my real hand with a light saber."

"No shit! You're joking."

Luke raised an eyebrow, fished around in a nearby wastebin till he found an empty butterbeer bottle then crushed it to tiny shards with his mechanical hand.

"Dude!" Malfoy cried, "That was awesome." Then he sidled up to a grinning Luke, looked up and down the now empty hallway and put his hands in the back pockets of Luke's slacks."That's quite a grip you've got. I'd like to see what else that hand can do."

Luke rolled his eyes, but let Malfoy pull him closer. "You. Are. So. Bad."

Just as they were leaning in for their second attempt at a kiss, they heard another scream. They paused a moment, had it been Edward again? It didn't sound like Edward. Then another scream, then another and another. They looked at each other and followed the growing sound of screams, murmurs, and cries for help. They paused at the entrance to the great hall where a crowd, including Cloud and Lizzy, were gathered. Lizzy turned and buried her face in Luke's chest, as he peeked on tip toes over the crowd.

There, on the ground lay the 2nd year student, Short Round. The normally chipper, fast-talking, poker-cheating Hufflepuff was lying in a pool of his own blood. Luke dry heaved and hugged Lizzy closer, something that didn't go unnoticed by Cloud. Lizzy had seen her sister Lydia's bloated, blueberry shaped and colored corpse last year after the everlasting gobstopper incident, but this—this was horrific even by those standards. It appeared that Short Round's eyes had been ejected from his face, blood spewing from their sockets, as well as his ears and mouth. His body was twisted in a horrific way, his neck wound round and round, with his head turned at an impossible angle. He seemed to also have some sort of large knot protruding from the center of his forehead. He appeared to have died screaming.

Later that night, in the highest tower of the school, the Hogwarts school board met around a large circular table: Dumbledore the Headmaster, as well as Yoda, Elron, Gandalf, Professor X, Spock and Glenda the Good Witch.

"Something must be done," Elron mused.

"Of course. Besides, the child's sort of adopted, absentee father, Mr. Jones is calling for a thorough investigation," added Gandalf. "By the way, does anyone mind if I smoke?"

"For the fiftieth time," sang Glenda, "Hogwarts is a pot-free campus."

Gandalf rolled his eyes and muttered to Elron, "I can't believe I got with her."

"I can't believe I got with a loser stoner," Glenda sang quietly.

"Enough!" Dumbeldore stood. "We must protect the students and we must discover what has caused young Mr. Round's untimely death. Which is why," he paused to take a deep breath. "Which is why I have taken it upon myself to hire the best investigator money can buy."

"Sherlock Holmes?"

"No."

"Matlock?"

"No."

"Remington Steele, it is?"

"No, no, no." Dumbledore sighed. "His name is Jack—"

"Shh!"

"What was that?"

"It came from that wardrobe over there," Spock stood. "I'll investigate."

"No," Dumbeldore motioned for him to sit, "I'll take care of this."

Dumbledore sighed heavily again and walked to the large wardrobe. "What?"

From inside the wardrobe came a man's voice. "You promised—you have to say it like you promised."

"Don't you think it's a bit dramatic?"

"You promised!"

Dumbledore returned to the table, pinching the bridge of his nose. He said, in a flat voice. "You've all never heard of this fellow, probably, because he's a ghost. He used to work in the American secret ops military special corps, or something, and returned to ordinary life and was just too good for it. He decided to disappear and roam the land doing good deeds. His wife divorced him—"

There was another hiss from the wardrobe.

"I mean—he split amicably from his really very hot wife, because she couldn't handle his intense lovemaking style and then sold his car, his house, everything he owned at a garage sale and earned $136.50. He used that money to buy a one-way ticket to somewhere, I can't remember, and used the rest to buy some clothes off a homeless man. So now he's a ghost. You don't find him, he finds you. His name is—"

"Jack Reacher," said the man who kicked open the wardrobe. He stepped up to Dumbledore and shoved him out of the way. "Show me the dead kid."

"Well, here are some photos of his body," Dumbledore said, gesturing to a folder on the table. Jack Reacher, who was a short middle-aged brunette man, with a handsome face and rippling muscles, flipped quickly through the photos, then threw the folder down on the table, smirking. "Jack's seen worse."

The school board looked at eachother.

"Can you tell us how the boy died?" Spock asked.

"Can you tell me the serial number from the side of the boys' sneakers?"

"No," Spock answered.

"S742394," Jack answered.

"Any relevancy to the case, does that have?" Yoda asked.

Jack smirked and pointed his thumb at Yoda. "Looks like that goblin thinks he knows something about investigations now. Leave it to the pros, 'K?"

Yoda glared at Jack.

"Seriously, Dumbledore, where did you find this twit?" Gandalf asked.

"He was referred strongly to us by his _parents_," Dumbledore said with meaning. "Mr. and Mrs. John and Gail Reacher, Hogwarts' biggest donors?" Ah. The rest of the board got it.

"So this is their squib son," Professor X mused.

"What did you say to Jack?" Jack Reacher asked.

"Ah, uh, sorry. Understandably that must be a sore subject, being non-magical born to magical parents," Professor X apologized.

Jack Reacher smirked and walked over to the bald, Professor X in his wheelchair. "You know what else is a sore subject?"

Professor X raised his eyebrows and looked up at Jack, who proceeded to round house kick the man in the head. "That time I round-house kicked you in the head!"

The other teachers cried out, but sat down again when Dumbledore mentioned that Jack's parents would be sponsoring the swanky new remodel of the teacher's lounge. "By the way," Dumbledore said, the effort to speak sounding painful," To give Jack more access to the students for investigative purposes, he will also be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Somewhere in the potions basement Professor Snape was screaming.


	8. Chapter 8

Elizabeth was giddy with excitement and was so very thankful Jane was there to help her.

"Okay, how about this one?" She spun around in a blue floor length dress. It was long-sleeved and had touches of lace at the hem, cuffs and collar.

"Hmm…" pondered Jane, "I like it, but it just seems a little…"

"Old-fashioned? Something I would wear if I was still dating Darcy?"

"Yes! Exactly!" Jane laughed and walked over to her sister's trunk. "Cloud is just a little more … edgy."

Lizzy agreed. "Yea, maybe I can wear something a little more spunky or mysterious."

"Or sexy!" Jane and Lizzy giggled. "Alright let's see…" Jane proceeded to pull cardigans, dresses, cloaks, scarves and an assortment of ribbons from the old trunk but seemed disappointed with every option.

"Seriously Lizzy. It might be time to go shopping."

"But I don't have any time! We're supposed to meet in the great hall in an hour!"

Elizabeth was starting to panic. Yesterday after the whole Edward incident Cloud had asked her out on a date- a REAL date. She didn't know how to act or what to talk about, let alone what to wear!

Suddenly they heard a soft knocking at their door. Jane smiled, "I'll get it." She opened the door to reveal a grinning Luke with a duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Luke. Lizzy seriously has nothing to wear."

"Oh girl! You be trippin' if you thought I wouldn't help out my bestest friend eva!"

"Luke! What are you doing here?" Lizzy was so excited to see him and rushed over to give him a hug.

"Hold it." Luke stopped her and looked Lizzy up and down. "What are you wearing?"

"I know, It's awful!" Lizzy whined.

"Wait- didn't you wear that on your first date with Mr. D-bag?"

"Argh!" Elizabeth threw herself on her bed while Luke and Jane exchanged looks.

"Okay, well you might look like you've been frozen in time, but with my help…" he unzipped his duffel bag, "You'll look like you've been frozen in Carbonite!"

He pulled out a slinky backless silver dress and held it up to Lizzy.

"Wow." Lizzy exclaimed.

"Let's get started." Luke winked.

Jane curled Lizzy's hair and pinned it up into a messy side bun, perfect for showing off her smooth back. Luke did her make-up and gave her a flawless complexion with a light pink lip and smoky metallic eye. She slipped the dress on and it fit perfectly and even though it was more revealing than her standard garb she felt adventurous and dare she say it…sexy! She slipped on a pair of black strappy wedges and grabbed a small black clutch.

"Okay" Lizzy spun around nervously, "what do you guys think?"

"C'est magnifico!" Luke cried.

"Oh la la! You look beautiful!" Jane exclaimed.

"Thank you both so much! Okay, I have to run, I'm already late!" Lizzy headed for the door but was stopped by Luke.

"Hey" He grabbed her hand. "Just in case." she felt him press something against her palm.

"A condom?"

"Yeah. Cause' I know you guys are all into like muggle stuff. Plus think of it as your Protego between your Legos to defend against Hog-Warts."

"Oh my god Luke!" Lizzy marched out of the room leaving behind a laughing Luke and Jane.

In the infirmary, a groggy Edward was slowly opening his eyes. "Cloud? Malfoy?"

"Yeah man, how are you feeling?" Cloud grabbed his friend's hand with concern.

"Um. Okay I guess. My head really hurts."

"Which hurt more- when it fell off or when Madam Pomfrey put it back on?" Malfoy asked curiously.

Cloud punched him in the arm.

"What?" Malfoy asked incredulously.

"Guys.." Edward was breathing heavily. "There's something going on here. Something bad…I was getting tired and weak from them drinking my blood… and I-"

"WHAT?!" Malfoy and Cloud yelled together.

"Who was drinking it?"

"Why?"

They were hurriedly talking over each other upset that some people were taking advantage of their friend.

"What are you kids doing in here?"

Startled by the noise Madam Pomfrey came rushing around the corner. "He's not stable enough for visitors!"

"Sorry buddy, we'll come back when we can." Malfoy grabbed Cloud's arm and they rushed out the infirmary. They ran down the hall to get some space between them and the angry nurse.

"What the heck?" Malfoy was in disbelief.

"Seriously." Cloud's brow was furrowed. "It doesn't make any sense. Vampires drink human and animal blood. Why would humans drink vampire blood?"

"Listen, if I have to go-" Malfoy air quoted, "'necking' with Edward, then I'll do it. No big deal. Just don't tell Luke."

Cloud wrinkled his nose, "No one is necking or whatever with Edward! Obviously it's not safe to drink his blood number one, number two he's your friend not boyfriend, number three that's gross because his head just got re-attached and number four I don't want to get choked out by Luke the cyborg."

Malfoy just shrugged.

"Also- not like I care, but when did you start swinging for the other team?"

"What?"

"You know…Start San Fransisco Light Sabering."

"Uh, what are you talking about?"

"When did your Patronus become a Unicorn?"

"Um recently? Why is this important?"

Cloud was getting frustrated, "When did you start liking guys?"

Malfoy looked shocked. " I don't! What are you talking about? Is this about Luke? Listen, that's all for your Buster Sword and nothing else."

Malfoy walked away angrily and Cloud stood in the hallway for a moment appalled at what his friend just said. Somewhere deep down he actually thought Malfoy and Luke made a sort of…cute couple. And another part of Cloud, a much bigger part, was starting to actually really like Lizzy. He felt a little bad about keeping the bet he had from her but keeping his Buster Sword, winning a trip to Hawaii and going to the Winter Ball with her were all good things…right? He sighed to himself and started to make his way towards the Great Hall and the date he was actually really looking forward to.

Jack Reacher's piercing eyes didn't break contact with the steely blue ones in front of him.

"Does your tiny brain understand what I'm saying?" Jack spoke quietly and seriously.

"Uh yes, I believe so." A sharp falsetto voice rung throughout the empty classroom. "You want me to go undercover and find out who's in a drug ring here at Hogwarts? Be a narc persay?"

"Yes." Jack pushed away from his companion and started pacing in front of his desk. "I believe some of the kids here are into something bad, real bad. And because you're a new transfer student I believe it'll be easier to infiltrate this ring."

"Alright Professor Reacher, " the small voice cracked, "I just have one request..."

Jane sat on her bed flipping through her Daily Prophet when she heard a knocking at her bedroom door.

"Coming!" She crossed over to the door wondering if it was Luke again, but as she opened the door her jaw dropped open.

"Cheerio!" the small voice squeaked, "I'm your new roommate. MRS. Darcy!"


	9. Chapter 9

As Jane and Mrs. Darcy became aquainted, Elizabeth stepped carefully down the curved stairway that led to the great hall where Cloud was waiting for her. She was feeling a bit shaky with nervous excitement, and also the wedges Luke had leant her were his size and too big for her and her ankles kept rolling. Breathe, she reminded herself. She lifted her eyes for a moment and saw Cloud waiting for her at the last step. His look of awe made her immediately dart her eyes back down to her feet, blushing. As she reached the bottom, she smiled up at Cloud. He, used to seeing Lizzy in floor-length, rather old-fashioned dresses, was speechless as he took in her new look. As the awkward silence dragged on, Lizzy chuckled and Cloud gulped loudly.

"So...," she encouraged, "Where are we going?"

"Oh, uh," Cloud grinned at her, "it'll be a surprise."

He took her hand and led her out of the castle. He felt better with her hand in his own, more confident. He was finding it hard not to stare at her though, as that was all he seemed to want to do. How had he not noticed how beautiful she was till now?

They walked across the grounds to a large hot air balloon. Lizzy raised her eyebrows at him. "Seriously?" she almost shrieked.

"Yeah...is it too much?"

"Oh my word no!" she climbed into the wicker basket and said hello to the balloon conductor. She couldn't help but think of her dates, if you could call them that, with Darcy. The biggest gesture he'd ever made was shoving a pizza box over on the sofa to make room for her, while refusing to look up from an intense game of chess he was playing with his depressing houseelf Dobby-who he had ordered to always let him win.

Cloud climbed in behind Lizzy and soon they were off, floating up from the ground like spit bubbles on the wind. As Hogwarts and the school's ground grew small beneath them, Lizzy sighed. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," Cloud muttered under his breath, his eyes glued to her face.

"Hmm?"

"I-uh-I just said, yeah, it's really beautiful."

After they drifted for awhile , the balloon stopped at a magic carpet cloud dock.

"No way! A carpet ride, too?" Lizzy cried, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Cloud smiled and bought a carpet ticket and they climbed from the balloon right onto it. Zoom! They sped through the sky, zipping under the arch of a rainbow, skimming over a coasting dragon, grabbing handfuls of cotton candy clouds, and finishing up, as evening fell, at magic carpet makeout point, where dozens of other couples were getting rug burns in unfortunate places. Lizzy arched an eyebrow at Cloud, who threw up his hands.

"I didn't tell it to bring us here. It must be on autopilot."

"Mm, hmm," Lizzy teased.

"Back! Back!" Cloud cried, smacking the dusty carpet, and the tired carpet carried them back to teh dock. Once there they rode the rainbow curly slide down to the burger joint on the giant mushroom in the lollipop forest. They got burgers, fries and shakes and chatted and laughed. Cloud reached across their table and brushed Lizzy's full lips.

"You had a little chocolate there."

His hand lingered and their eyes locked. Something inside Cloud's chest felt pulled to her like a magnet. He leaned across the table, her face cradled in his hand, and kissed her. The kiss stole his breath and Lizzy felt a surge of sparkles fill her face. It was magical.

They pulled away and both broke into huge sheepish grins. "I'll be right back."

Cloud got up and walked to the juke box. He flipped through the book looking for a song for them to dance to. The burger joint was packed, but they had an open dance floor in the middle and he wanted an excuse to hold Lizzy. He found the perfect tune by the wizarding band "Vampire Workday" called "Baby Got Bat", through in a gold dubloon and headed back to their booth.

He was surprised to see someone in his seat. As he neared the table he saw a pale, thin girl with auburn hair, poor posture and drawn brows. Oh no, he thought. He heard Elizabeth speak slowly to her like she was a small child. "Hi there, I'm Lizzy. What's your name?" Oh no. As he reached the table Elizabeth shot him an amused look that clearly said, sorry this weird girl took your seat. Cloud froze as the girl mumbled an answer. "I'm Bella," she said, "Bella Swan. I mean, Bella Strife."

"Oh!" Elizabeth looked at Cloud in apology, then turned back to Bella. "I'm sorry, I didn't know Cloud had a sister."

Cloud stood numbly and threw up in his mouth a little, as Bella pouted then mumbled, "I'm not his sister. I'm his wife."


End file.
